Leaving Home Without Losing Home

Stories about keeping my home alive, and an opportunity possible for aging rural communities

 

Attachment to your past is a powerful emotion.  Thirty years ago, choosing to live in one place ultimately meant being unable to enjoy another.  Today, the emotional gaps brought about from growing distances are narrowing.  It has been my experience that an open mind and a decent internet connection can greatly help quell homesickness and allow more people to explore new, creative opportunities for themselves.  Clarion County, like rural communities all over the nation, may have for itself its own opportunity to maximize this new potential and begin to regrow its demographics and population.  In order to articulate that opportunity, I will need to provide some context about my story, my nostalgia.  This story spans my years spent growing up in Rockland County, NY, living and working in Philadelphia, and eventually moving to Northwestern Pennsylvania. My hope is that sharing my experience through storytelling gives insight into my own decision-making, both for the benefit of peers considering a similar move, and also for rural communities who are in such a great need for young, hard-working newcomers.

 

As of 2017, the average age of a Clarion County resident is 41.  Of its approximately 39,000 residents, only 21.6% fall between the ages of 25 and 44.  Like rural communities all over the United States, Clarion County experienced a flight of young adults from their hometowns to the cities.  According to 2000 census data, 40% of Clarion County’s residents fell between the ages of 25-44; we’ve experienced nearly a 20% drop in 20 years.  No doubt, any town or county without young adults is placed at an economic disadvantage.  Fewer youth means fewer new businesses, fewer succession plans for existing businesses, more gaps in generational values and ways of life, etc.  For the brief time I have lived and worked in Clarion County, I have heard one consistent question being asked to combat this downward trend: how do we get young people to come back to Clarion County?  Nostalgia is very attractive, and it's often effective in drawing people back to what they once knew.  It, however, may not be long-lasting and could quickly wear off.  Short, regular visits home are often enough to treat that nostalgia fix anyway.    So, perhaps that question is not the right question.  Better, maybe it should not be the only question.  A different question could be around how Clarion County attracts new people to the area, people who do not have roots here or cannot call it home.  It is a simple question but it is arguably not being asked enough.  I enjoy entertaining that question with anyone who might listen.

 

I, personally, fall about halfway between those two questions.  I am not a Clarion County native.  I am not from Pennsylvania.  I grew up in Rockland County, New York.  My wife, however, is from Clarion County.  When we made the decision to move here in March 2019 from Philadelphia, we wrestled with an unending list of questions, most of which we could best only wait on answers for.  Perhaps we had a bit more social capital in Philadelphia.  Certainly, the city offered a greater list of traditional employment and recreational opportunities.  Those clear-cut differences were not hard to weigh.  The difficulty laid in the intangibles.  The uprooting.  The removal of normalcy, fear of losing friendships and relationships, no longer belonging to a sense of place, etc.  One of my greatest fears was that I would be ending the trajectory of my career, or at least greatly damaging its momentum.  Call it, my personal opportunity cost.  With those daunting thoughts swirling, Courtney and I ultimately decided that examining one’s values is what carries weight needed to potentially tip the scales of indecision.  That is what we did.  We decided that our family would best remain whole if we made the move to Western Pennsylvania.  Since our move, that list of unending questions has slowly started to stabilize, which has granted our family greater clarity and rhythm over the past year.  I was fortunate to find a fulfilling job, we are blessed with supportive family nearby, and we’ve been able to strike a better balance between work and recreation.  What has remained unanswered following our move was the degree to which I would need to change in order to find fulfillment; how much of my life, culture, and perspective would I need to lay down since I could no longer share it with others who might understand?  Fortunately over the past year, I have been able to find the beginning of some answers to that question too.  

 

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The Keystone State 

 

I have jokingly told friends that the only thing Clarion County and Philadelphia have in common is that they’re both in Pennsylvania.  My wife and I lived in Philadelphia for about 6 years.  She is a Clarion County native, so we would often make the trek to Clarion County for holidays and birthdays.  One of our preferred routes included Rt. 322-W between Harrisburg and Bellefonte, PA.  Cutting through small towns in the Happy Valley was a welcomed reprieve from the interstates.  As we would travel westward, we’d often comment on the subtle changes of our environment: the darkening roads, the ‘blink and you’ll miss ‘em” towns and villages, and the wooded hills.  Perhaps the starkest change was the temperature!  It typically tended to drop 10-15 degrees, especially in the colder months.  This drive, particularly for the first few years we made it, always was my own personal, “we’re not in Kansas anymore” experience.  My first ever trip to Clarion County was in 2011.  For the last eight-plus years, our regular visits allowed me to have a gradual intake of life out in Northwestern PA: the food, way of speaking, values, hobbies, etc.  Still fresh in my mind is the image of a father and son walking alongside Rt. 208 outside Knox, PA, both with hunting rifles slung over their shoulders.  That was not something I was accustomed to.  Frankly, I could have easily started to make a list.

 

Getting to know Clarion County was also not the first time I had to learn about Pennsylvania life.  I got started in PA in 2008 when I began attending college at Eastern University, which is located in Delaware County, just outside Philadelphia.  Unfamiliar with words like hoagiefest, there was a bit of a learning curve here too.  The regularity of being surrounded by Phillies fans also took some getting used to.  As a die-hard New York Mets fan, there is certainly no love lost between those two teams.  I, for one, did not shy away from wearing my blue-and-orange around campus, and I soon found myself starting to enjoy being that nuisance.  I suppose it could be said that those first 4 years in PA, while attending college, gave me a soft introduction to Pennsylvania.  As with the life of a college student, your perspective is recrafted, though you are still tethered to your hometown.  New norms are experienced, but old habits and lifestyle preferences can still ring true.  

 

A bit about Rockland.

 

Prior to PA, Rockland County was the only place I had ever called home.   An unfortunate truth that too many people experience is not fully appreciating a place until its time in your life has passed.   The residents of Rockland County, even long before it was considered a county, have long held witness to some of the greatest events in American and pre-American history.  As a lover of history, I often find myself captivated and energized by the events of the past that took place so close to where I once called home.  Rockland’s known history reaches far back to the arrival of Henry Hudson and his efforts to discover the Northwest Passage.  No doubt, Hudson’s ship sailed past present-day Rockland County.  I like to think that the beauty of Rockland’s wooded cliffs along the great spanning river only added to Hudson’s growing enthusiasm and his belief that he may have finally found what he had been searching for.  Other bits of its history include the arrival of early Dutch settlers in America, records of Continental soldiers skirmishing with British Redcoats along the Hudson River, and massive quarries along the river helping to build the skyscrapers on the Manhattan island.  

 

As it stands today, Rockland County is a vibrant piece of New York living and culture, and its connection with NYC is strong and far-reaching.  My hometown, West Nyack, sits about 20 driving miles away from Uptown Manhattan and 25 driving miles from The Bronx.   As a young boy, I remember sometimes accompanying my father on his way to work.  My dad’s office was on Park Avenue in Manhattan.  Commuting there everyday would include catching the bus over the bridge, where we would then take the Metro North train down into Grand Central.  The hour long commute would conclude with a brisk seven-block walk, where we would arrive at a marble-laid building, with golden-plated handrails leading to the elevators.  I hadn’t the slightest idea what my dad did for a living.  All I knew was that this building was a terrific place to do it in!  My father was not alone in his daily commute from Rockland County.  Each day, thousands of Rocklanders travel to work in the city via car, bus, rail, and ferry.  With so many people coming and going, Rockland has been the beneficiary of countless cultural influences.  A standout is Rockland’s strong Jewish population.  Notably, approximately 30% of those 325,000 Rockland residents are Jewish, which gives Rockland County the largest Jewish population per capita in the United States for a county.  Safe to say, everyone has their opinion on who's got the best bagels in town!  

 

Over the bridge from Flushing

 

Both of my parents grew up in the city.  My mom grew up in The Bronx.  Both of her parents were raised in Puerto Rico, but it was not until they lived in New York that they had met and eventually married. The Bronx in the 1970’s was a tumultuous place, certainly not a safe place to raise their young daughter. In 1976, my grandparents left Soundview and made the move to Flushing, Queens.  They bought a house on 161^st street.  Next door lived a twenty-year-old Mets fan, who grew up riding his bike to Shea Stadium.  The story goes that one afternoon, my mom and my great-aunt Ada spotted my dad from their window taking out the trash.  Aunt Ada leaned over my mom’s shoulder and said, “you see that boy?  You’re going to marry him.”  My mom was perplexed by my aunt’s prediction, mainly because he was white.  Inevitably, next-door neighbors tend to meet one another; the rest is history.  

 

In 1980, my parents married. They left Queens in 1983 and made the move to Rockland County.  The rest of my extended family on both sides remained in Queens.  Our connection there remained strong, so our family would make frequent weekend trips to Queens to visit grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  And the Mets.   Visits to Queens generally consisted of biking in Kissena Park, chasing down Mister Softee, getting pizza at Pizza Garden on Northern Boulevard, and playing wiffleball in my grandma’s driveway.  If we were lucky, we’d get Mets tickets in hopes of seeing Mike Piazza hit a home run. 

 

Looking back on those days, I consider myself fortunate to have those pieces of New York form some of my earliest and most cherished childhood memories.  Now that I live in Northwestern PA with my wife and young daughter, Rosalie,  I often ponder on what my daughter’s experience growing up out here will be like compared to my own.  How will it form her?  What will she look back on thirty years from now and cherish?  For me, it is only natural to want to give my daughter a piece of what my childhood was like.  If I were fathering my daughter thirty years ago, this would have been a very difficult challenge.  The internet was in its infancy and certainly not a household product.  Video media was available, but its production was limited and its scope particularly narrow.  Community and culture transcending distance was a challenge.  The only way to immerse yourself in a new place was to set your feet there.  

 

Today, community and culture can be born out of the distance.  The world is shrinking, and in many ways this is a good thing, particularly for rural communities.  It has come to no surprise that I have not met a single Mets fan since I have moved to Western PA.  I, however, have not felt total deprivation from not being in New York because I am still able to engage with Mets fans everyday.  Social media keeps conversations alive and well.  Radio apps allow me to play New York sports radio in my car as I travel up and down Rt. 322.  Other app subscriptions allow me to turn on any Mets game in my living room, both live or pre-recorded. My experience as a Mets fan continues to live in real-time,  and I am not alone in this.  Although most Mets fans live in New York and New Jersey, there is a large community of transplants all over the country.  This community was born out of their distance from New York, and the emotional gaps created by distance are narrowed. 

 

Know that this kind of experience is fortunately not limited to sports fans.  As mentioned earlier, my mother’s parents both grew up in Puerto Rico.  My mother is a proud Nuyorican.  One of my favorite meals growing up was arroz con habichuelas y pernil.   Obviously, the greatest way to enjoy these foods is to eat them.  The second best, and vastly undervalued, way is to talk about them with others who also appreciate them!  No surprise, the internet cannot cook for you.  But it can connect you with people who are like-minded.  Technology plays an integral role here because you are able to genuinely reminisce with others around the world about something that is so near and dear, when thirty years ago that would have been a near impossibility.  The emotional gaps created by distance are narrowed. 

 

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Flourishing both Here and There

 

With all of that in mind, what is the takeaway here?  And what does it mean for me that I now live in Northwestern PA?  Well, it means that I can live and flourish here without wanting to always look back over my shoulder and plan frequent, unsustainable trips to New York.  It means I can enjoy where I am and who I am with without weighing the opportunity cost.  Do I miss New York?  Absolutely!  Can the atmosphere at Citi Field be imitated, or can the smell of a Puerto Rican kitchen be simulated?  No way!  But the tools that today’s technology have enabled me to keep tabs on New York everyday.  The tools of today’s technology help me stay informed about what’s going on in my old neighborhoods.  As a result, those tools help me stay present with my family in the here and now.  This is a very personal, emotionally dynamic experience for me.  Perhaps others could have a different experience, but I am of the mind that there are plenty of others around Pennsylvania who might experience something similar.  

 

That said, my mind wanders to what could be if my experience were strategically targeted by a county or region in order to attract newcomers.  Millennials and Gen Z Americans move much more fluidly than previous generations.  Their values are also different.  Quality of life, work-life balance, and flexibility are at the top of the list.  These are the questions that employers have been trying to answer and address.  As a result, working from home has become much more commonplace.  As have co-working hubs and remote offices.  No doubt, the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic has accelerated the pace of these shifting sands.  Many large businesses do not plan to return to conventional office norms, regardless of how quickly an effective vaccine is found and deployed.  So how might Clarion County begin to explore reaping benefits?  Priority one is without a doubt connectivity.  There is a profound sense of frustration with the words “No Service.”  Many, myself included, embrace the seclusion that the county offers, but most days I am simply wanting to quickly find an answer to a question I have, or stay connected to a phone call I am on.  A reliable connectivity infrastructure is on its way to being on par with gas, sewage, and electric.  If there are any deal breakers when it comes to attracting young talent, connectivity shortages certainly make the short list.  

 

Successfully finding and attracting young risk takers can infuse a town, county, or region with tremendous economic relief.  Clarion County remains affordable.  Owning a home has often been a major challenge for millennials simply because financial affordability and employment opportunities generally do not co-reside.  The increasing normalcy of working from home has begun to legitimately address this problem.  The question that remains is who is ready to leverage this change for their area.   

 

All in all, I have embraced the transplanted New Yorker identity.  Like any transplant, at the beginning, it is not your new environment that sustains you but rather the nutrients you carry from your previous one.  Not until your old roots can once again take hold and begin drawing from your new soil home do you find yourself growing once again.  I have found this to be true.  I have also found it to be true that this process can be arduous, often painful.  I am very grateful for people and communities that can now, thanks to technology, transcend the distance and keep you invigorated.  It has allowed me an easier time in holding fast to the decision I made until my new roots once again take hold.  It is my hope that emerging technology landscapes can be embraced, both by communities and individuals.  These constantly budding technological landscapes may be a connector that allows rural communities a new opportunity to welcome newcomers. Too, they may also be the means for newcomers to find the strength, energy, and insight to make that difficult decision, survive the early trials, and begin to grow in a new place, which could benefit so greatly from their contribution.